Oh Canada…the true north, strong and free. Our neighbor to the Nord has given the US of A plenty to be grateful for: Poutine, Wayne Gretzky, Skull Skates, Trailer Park Boys, Rush, Cheech and Chong, Chip and Pepper, Pam Anderson, Pierre Trudeau and over 500 peaceful years of neutral warfare; lest we riders forget the snowboarding scene that inadvertently trickled down our way. From Morrissette to Michalchuk, Devun to DCP, Young Brown Walsh to Throw Your Panties, some truly prolific and powerful shreds have surfaced on these here pages and brought with them their peculiar and eccentric language. In this month’s installment of Sicktionary, we wanted to give you a quick dose of their dialect. Read up. You might learn a thing or two, eh?
Harfing [Harph eeng] verb: Related to Canadian beer drinking culture, “harfing” refers to snowy conditions in which large flakes are falling rapidly in a manner similar to projectile vomiting. “Fire up the snowblower you hoser. It’s harfing out there.”
Canadian Tuxedo [Kuh nay dee ehn Tuhks ee doh] noun: Known in the States as the “Denim Dan,” a Canadian tuxedo is the beautifully disgusting collaboration of a denim jacket with bottom-coverings of the same material (jeans, dummy). A one-piece dignity destroyer of sorts.
Canadian Shower [Kuh nay dee ehn Showw her] noun: When one holds on to the back of a snowmobile sans rope, and gets bombarded by a blizzard of snow and ice chunks coming from the sled’s track.
Wildcat [Wihld kaht] noun: A straight, tip over tail backflip, or loop, to be exact. Glamorized by the infamous “Wildcats,” Devun, JF, Cashen, Browner, Dionne, Duff and others brought the unique invert to the masses. The opposing trick would be a “Tamedog,” which is a nollie, tail over tip frontflip. And yes, Lil’ Bastards is still the greatest snowboard movie ever.
Michalchuk [Mihk uhl chuhk] noun: Invented by famed Canadian Olympian shred and big game bow hunter Mike Michalchuk, a “Michalchuck” is a heave-ho backside rodeo in the pipe.
Offsides [Ohf siidz] verb: A term used to describe a person or group that crosses a line of common decency. “Dude, that was offsides. You never take someones last du Maurier!”
Alpine Picnic [Ahl pihn Pihk nihk] noun: When a crew gets skunked by the weather and ends up sitting around the backcountry all day talking shit.
Canadian Bacon [Kuh nay dee ehn Bay kihn] noun: Grab on the toe edge between the bindings with the back arm wrapping behind the rear knee. An exact cross between a Roast Beef and a Tai Pan.Invented by American Jeff Brushie.
Jasey Jay [Jehy see Jehy] verb: Refers to Jasey Jay Anderson: Cannuck GS and BoarderX legend. It is the epitome of pointing it at a park or backcountry jump. “The dude was straight Jasey Jaying into that booter!”
Pooched [Poochd] adj: A term used to describe tracked out snow conditions in a landing or on a face after a heavy session. Pooched may also be applied to loose-lipped (double meaning?) mountain town floosies.
Hardinghammed [Hahr ding hahm ees eh puh seh] adj: The worst possible result of a situation where a person is attempting something they shouldn’t but does it anyway because they are showing off and like people to think they are “invincible.” “Andrew really Harding-hammed himself when he went to that brothel in Indo without any condoms.”