P: Mike Yoshida

There is no denying that board choice has always said a lot about the rider and the following options literally take that notion even further. The statements front and center on these six sticks seems to defy the notion that snowboarders should let their riding do all the talking, because in these instances it is the actual ride doing the talking. - Pat Bridges

P: Mike Yoshida

Ride OMG

“Not Sorry” is an idea appropriated by the fairer sex to overcome the submissive act of apologizing without cause. The Ride OMG takes this mindset from mantra to the mountain and then some. This asymmetrical hybrid twin benefits from Ride’s Ladies Specific Design, which uses gender-centric sizing and flex to create a board that unapologetically kills it in the park leaving the rider with no regrets…at least not until après. ridesnowboards.com MSRP: $459.95

P: Mike Yoshida

Salomon Salomander

Conceived a few years back as a collaboration between Jed Anderson and Chris Grenier, the Salomon Salomander has been segmented for 2016 with both Jed and Chris being able to call different lengths and shapes their own. In addition to featuring double dips on the kicks, Salomon’s proprietary equalizer sidecut and an easy press core, Grenier’s reptilian twin also showcases art by Utah loc Mike Murdock who incorporated some of Grendy’s more common colloquialisms into the graphic. Phrases like “LET HER BUCK” and “PARTY IN A CAN” are best conveyed when appropriating a thick Boston accent and throwing down X Games Real Snow gold medal-worthy tricks. salomonsnowboards.com MSRP:$389.00

P: Mike Yoshida

From the North Shore of Hawaii to Bondi Beach, Australia to Venice, California and all breaks in between, wherever you find good surf, you’ll find a gang keen on keeping outsiders from the lineup; hence the term, “Locals Only.” Aside from the cut leashes, savage tourist beatings, disregard for public access laws, connection to organized crime and drug trafficking rings, bigotry, and homoerotic subtext of this Spartan wave-riding tribe mentality, the idea of “Locals Only” in snowboarding is just like surfing. stepchildsnowboards.com MSRP:$380.00

P: Mike Yoshida

For most earthlings the World Wide Web has become the preferred modus of communication, but for those more inclined to use a high-speed quad to make a high-speed connection, then there is another type of WWW worth checking out. With the Enjoyer, K2 has taken their celebrated WWW model and updated it with Jibtip construction which allows riders the freedom to use a jigsaw to craft their own nose and tail shapes. k2snowboarding.com MSRP:$399.95

P: Mike Yoshida

Smokin’ Superpark

For over half a century, linguistic scholars have debated the root origin of “OK.” Regardless of whether you believe that it comes from the Scottish expression Och Aye, the Choctaw Indian word Okeh, the French phrase Aux Cayes or the Greek term Ola Kala, what really matters is that the Smokin’ Superpark comes from America and that it comes with Mello Magne Traction and a three-year warranty. smokinsnowboards.com MSRP: $529.99

P: Mike Yoshida

Rome Artifact

The word “Degenerati” is the amalgamation of “Degenerate” and “Illuminati.” If we’ve learned anything from conspiracy theorists like Jesse Ventura and Dan Brown it is that the latter shadow organization has an affinity for using symbolism to make a statement, so let’s delve into the underlying messages apparent in the Rome Artifact: It is a “True Twin” which may point to the duality of progression where sometimes we need to go backwards to move forward. Then there are the 24 inserts. Since there aren’t 23 or 25, Rome appears to have chosen 24 for a reason. Perhaps it is a nod to the fact that it takes 24 hours for the earth to rotate on its axis. Could this mean that like the earth the Artifact is a natural when it comes to spinning off axis? As for the traditional camber, what you see is what you get, because using anything else for a board of this kind would be crazy. romesnowboards.com MSRP:$399.99