As if it isn’t bad enough that the dimensions of a deck are measured using the highly-logical Euro-centric metric system, now, the eggheads who design snowboards want us to accept asymmetrical shapes as well. Sure, from an intellectual standpoint, symmetry defies the dynamics of a snowboarder’s sideways gait, but if smarts were all that mattered then we’d all recycle, vote Democrat, quit smoking and use condoms. In all seriousness, asym boards with specific toeside and heelside shapes make a lot of sense. The best way to find out if one of the boards featured here is right for you is to try one on snow. Who knows? After one run you may never look at your edges the same way again. ­—Pat Bridges

P: Mike Yoshida

YES. The Greats

The 2017 Yes. The Greats is a tribute to the post-Y2K Burton Un..Inc super team of DCP, Jeff Anderson, Gigi Rüf, Romain De Marchi, JP Solberg and Danny Davis. As unorthodox as a brand paying tribute to a competitor’s celebrated offshoot may be, it is right in line with the Yes. ideals. Besides, DCP, Romain and JP now call the shots at Yes., so there isn’t really anyone who could say “no.” Although Un..Inc inspired, these boards actually do incorporate plenty of tech, including an asym shape, Camrock Hybrid camber and a carbon stringer inlaid towards the heelside edge, creating a more stance-specific flex. yesnowboard.com AVAILABLE LENGTHS: 152cm, 154cm, 156cm, 158cm
MSRP: $519.00

P: Mike Yoshida

Once upon a time, Corey Smith conjured Spring Break to be an esoteric low brow de-evolution of snowboarding chic. Now, half a decade later, his handmade one-offs and more commercial endeavors have helped shape the future of board design. In contrast to CAPiTA’s more balanced Defenders Of Awesome deck, which also showcases Corey’s aesthetic stylings, the Spring Break Twin is an “Offender Of Asym” complete with a graphic featuring a cheeky pinup being pawed by a cartoon beaver. Complimenting the cosmetic curves on the topsheet is a mid-stance bow on the heel edge that CAPiTA and Corey are calling Death Grip because, you know, when you are living on the edge, the last thing you wanna do is wash out. capitasnowboarding.com AVAILABLE LENGTHS: 152cm, 154cm, 156cm
MSRP: $469.95

P: Mike Yoshida

More than any other manufacturer, Gnu has been on a mission to assimilate all riders to the benefits of asymmetry. One of their first converts five years ago was the left-leaning and right-minded Forest Bailey, whose steadfast idealism extends all the way to his setup. The surreal symmetry of Forest’s extracurricular art is in direct contrast to the askew practicality of his pro models, with the Space Case being no exception. Featuring a .3cm disparity of sidecut depth between the toe and heel edges and congruent contact points, the Space Case blends the “do anything” sensibilities of a traditional twin tip with the radical ride of an avant-garde asym. gnu.com AVAILABLE LENGTHS:47cm, 150cm, 153cm, 156cm, 159cm
MSRP: $579.95

P: Mike Yoshida

Ride Helix

Don’t let the makeup of the Helix’s core mislead you. Yuki Kadono’s favorite Ride will in fact perform excellently at any ski area, not just at Aspen. Of course, having an Aspen core probably didn’t hurt Yuki when it came to taking his Helix to the X Games Big Air podium for three years in a row. Complimenting the unconventional outline of the Helix is a formula that includes an aggressive camber rise, ultra-durable Roll In Slimewalls and an impressive amount of carbon in all the right places. ridesnowboards.com AVAILABLE LENGTHS: 151cm, 153cm, 155cm, 156Wcm, 159cm, 159Wcm, 162Wcm
MSRP: $509.95

P: Mike Yoshida

When you really think about it, the phrase “Getting off on the right foot” is pretty funny. We’re sure a regular footed deviant like Halldór Helgason knows exactly what we’re talking about. Halldór’s new shape is as twisted as his psyche and it features graphics drawn right from the ink on his skin. As for performance, well, you know this is a standout stomper considering that Halldór honed his craft in a country where every landing is an ice landing. lobstersnowboards.com AVAILABLE LENGTHS:153cm, 156cm, 159cm
MSRP: $499.00

P: Mike Yoshida

To the naked eye, Burton’s Process Off-Axis hardly seems like an asym, yet once you strip this stick of its topsheet, the Squeezebox Core with its anatomical alignment is revealed. Using components in a way that compliments a rider’s natural stance, the Process Off-Axis avoids the compromises inherent with the duplicity of traditional design theory. A true twin in Y-axis terms, it is the stiffer toe edge flanked by a softer heel on the X-axis that allows for enhanced edge hold and more precise turn engagement while the Purepop Camber, Frostbite Edges and Infinite Ride make the Process a pro favorite. burton.com AVAILABLE LENGTHS:52cm, 155cm, 157cm, 159cm, 162cm
MSRP: $499.95

P: Mike Yoshida

Bataleon ETA

A decade ago when Bataleon conjured up their evil plan to invade the slopes with Triple Base Technology, they probably didn’t envision the asymmetrical revolution to come. Nonetheless, having a contoured base—i.e. 3BT—has provided Bataleon’s engineers with an opportunity to take the asym idea to another level, which they have done with the new Evil Twin Asymmetrical model. Featuring specific 3BT lifts for both the toe and heel edge, the ETA is capable of applying pressure and reacting in ways that other flat-based options simply can’t. The result is a deck guaranteed to show any rider who possesses it one hell of a good time. bataleon.com AVAILABLE LENGTHS:1153cm, 156cm, 159cm
MSRP: $529.95

P: Mike Yoshida

Never Summer Proto Type Two

The ideology that edges, as well as their sidecut, flex and contact points should be the same reeks of a Communist agenda. This sounds like something that Karl Marx himself would do if he were pressing boards for the proletariat. Well, America has two edges, one on the Pacific and one on the Atlantic, and they are as diverse in their look and feel as the patriots that built this great nation. This is why an asymmetrical board like the Never Summer Proto Type Two with its True Grit topsheet could only be made in the USA. neversummer.com AVAILABLE LENGTHS:152cm, 154cm, 157cm, 160cm
MSRP: $569.99

P: Mike Yoshida

Smokin Awesym

In regard to legalization of recreational marijuana use, there is a disparity of opinions. The pro and con points of view are somewhat divisible by their blue state and red state distinctions, but for the sake of this diatribe we’re focusing on the shred states. Smokin’s Awesym with its mellow Magne-Traction and Pop Gnarley eco-friendly hemp torsion fiber is sure to blaze a trail while dispensing some kind carves, dank double-corks and dope descents. So when it comes to sackin’ up to a quarter, sessioning the pipe or doing one-hitters with your friends, the Smokin’ Awesym will be probably be your first and eighth choice of board. smokinsnowboards.com AVAILABLE LENGTHS:148cm, 152cm, 156cm, 156Wcm, 159cm, 159Wcm, 162cm, 162Wcm
MSRP: $559.99

P: Mike Yoshida

Stepchild Dirtbag

StepChild has always been considered an edgy brand, but now with the introduction of their new Dirtbag model, they are becoming asym edgy. One way riders shorten the turn radius of their board is by really laying into a carve, kinda like your parents lay into you when you miss your curfew. Well, heelward turns ain’t so easy because you can’t bend backwards at the waist and still maintain a stable center of gravity. It’s a fairly easy concept to understand, or as StepChild puts it, “This ain’t rocket surgery.” To help enhance agility, the Dirtbag is designed with a deeper sidecut for the heel edge. Otherwise, the Dirtbag is a true twin. stepchildsnowboards.com AVAILABLE LENGTHS:148cm, 150cm, 154cm, 158cm, 154Wcm, 157Wcm, 160Wcm
MSRP: $549.95