Trump Claims To Be “Perfect” Snowboarder 10 Years Ago

Washington, DC— Out of all the ridiculous things Trump has said in his tenure as head of state, this has to top the list. Well, not really. Not even close. But it loops us in so here we are writing about it. And before you say we can’t get political, just read a short 400 word article for once and chill out.

A little under a minute into his “Made in America” showcase put on yesterday in the Whitehouse, Trump starts his list of products off with a callout to snowboards in Colorado. He then winks and says, “Ten years ago I was perfect…Now, I don’t know.” At first, we all laughed… then we had an identity crisis.

We know Trump is good at grabbing. p: Clavin

Was Trump the perfect snowboarder ten years ago? How did we miss this? Was he a combination of Terje Haakonsen, Mark McMorris, Ayumu Hirano, Travis Rice, Halldor Helgason, Terry Kidwell, Louif Paradis, Peter Line, Josh Dirksen, and Jeff Anderson? Sitting around debating, we couldn’t even come to a conclusion if that combination of legendary riders would live up to Trump’s “perfect” snowboarding if we were to find it.

In this climate of never knowing what could be true of false, we wanted to make sure we got our reporting straight and got to work. We scoured through countless videos made a decade ago like No Correct Way, August, Forum or Against’ Em, That’s It, That’s All, It’s Always Snowing Somewhere, Familia, Ready, Pleasure Inc., Double Decade, Stack Footy, and plenty more. We even beat the entire Shaun White Snowboarding Playstation 2 game released in 2008 to see if he was an unlockable character. Alas, we found no Trump.

Then it dawned on us that maybe he is just telling a joke? Just a word of advice to the President, protecting the environment would probably get more snowboarders on his side. Or maybe Trump has a fantasy of becoming a snowboarder? Beacon was filmed in Russia, and we are guessing he relates to that fact on a personal level. Ski areas ARE the country clubs of the high country. He called out Red Gerard amongst plenty of Olympians to choose from a few short months ago, as well as starting off with snowboards from Colorado in his speech when neither “snowboards” or “Colorado” would be first in an alphabetical, highest grossing, or any list pertaining to the president.

Trump seems to be more about the NRA than the NBD. Maybe he has a family tie to the sport? Who knows if Scotty Lago is related to Mar-a-lago?

We reached out to the Whitehouse but they have yet to comment or release his snowboarding records. Maybe the footage got lost in Hillary’s emails, maybe not. Until then, we can confidently say Trump is not, nor ever has been, the perfect snowboarder.

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